Pick your battles….but make sure you always win.

Parenting children means you're going to have battles. It will start young when your two year old needs to challenge authority. And then every once in awhile throughout their childhood, it seems necessary for them to test you again just to make sure nothing has changed.

These types of battles may seem small because they deal with small issues. They are, however, the start of a war if you don't win the first one.

It might be an issue like your toddler not wanting to put their coat on when it's chilly outside. You tell them to put it on, but they whine and cry because they don't want to. It'd be easy to decide it's such a small issue and not worth a battle and not make them put their coat on. You need to look at the big picture. This is just the beginning stage of your toddler testing your authority. If you give in to the coat issue, they will move on to the next level to see what other control they can take from you. Make sure you win this first battle to clearly give your child the message that you are still in charge.

Later, you will have battles when your older child doesn't agree with you or the decision you've made. It's okay to have these battles. They're just a normal part of growing up. With these battles, you need to pick and choose which ones are the important ones. If the issue is minor and the outcome just doesn't matter, then it's okay to let your child win the battle. For instance, if your daughter picked out the outfit she wants to wear to daycare this morning and it doesn’t match, it just doesn’t matter. Let her have her way.

On the other hand, when your twelve year old son is climbing on the rocks near the river, you tell him to get down and he starts the battle. This is a life and death situation and you need to put energy into a battle! It’s a battle you need to win so that he is no longer in danger.

The battles get bigger and bigger as your children get older. The issues become more serious and now the child is old enough to have an opinion of their own. Take some time to think about issues you know you'll be faced with when they become teenagers, such as curfew, dating, driving your car, etc. Decide on where you want to stand on these issues and be prepared for the battle before it even begins.